Let me start off by saying that I love stereotypes. Without stereotypes, the world joke arsenal would be pretty weak. We would miss out on a lot of demographic insights. And we'd have to really get to know people before we judged them, and while that would be very nice, it would be wildly inefficient.
Thankfully, though, we have plenty of stereotypes. It would be stupid if we didn't. But honestly, it surprises me how reluctant we are -- even in this extremely PC, supposedly enlightened society -- to move beyond our most primitive assumptions. See, it’s that time of year when I should tell you about the classes I’m taking. But if I do that (and reveal my smoldering wreckage of a plan of study), you’re going to make me talk about my major, aren’t you? And honestly, I’m not excited to write about my life plans because it would be tedious. I am incredibly bored of explaining how open-minded my family is. I feel like a broken record repeating myself about how I know they will support me in any career path I decide to follow. No matter what I do or say, I keep getting the same questions: “Are you not allowed to study the humanities?” That makes a lot of sense, given that my parents majored in economics and philosophy and both teach law. My personal favorite: “Would your mom kill you if you decided to be an English major?” Believe it or not, in her spare time, my mom enjoys writing memoirs. “Better cram in those electives before you have to major in something Asian!”
Hold up a second. What does that even mean?
Maybe it’s just me, but after a year of being branded with the so-called Asian stereotype, I’m not sure I even know what that stereotype really is. And I doubt you do, either. Indulge me here, and let's think this through.
Ding Dong is admitted to Harvard college. Because all Asians are required to become doctors, Ding Dong is expected to double-major – or concentrate, in Harvard speak – in statistics and biomedical engineering.
Say he instead decides to study economics. Of course he does: his parents have commanded him to become rich and successful.
If he finds a passion for government or law, there’s an easy explanation. His mother, who happens to be a professor at Yale Law School, is forcing him to follow in her footsteps.
What if, defying all expectations, he decides to major in East African folklore and film studies? Easy – it’s obviously a strategic move, so that he can stand out from other Chinese kids on grad school applications. Classic Asian.
These are not my examples. These are comments I have read in print, found on my blog, and heard from my peers.
When taken together, these stereotypes paint no portrait. They are unrelated, incompatible, and even contradictory, in all save one respect: each one of the stereotypes above seeks to rob Asians of their agency. Each one suggests that Asians, particularly Asian youth, are incapable of autonomous action and instead blindly follow predetermined paths. No matter what choices an Asian makes, people will insist that those choices were made for him, not by him.
When I was little, my mom told me never to complain about anti-Asian discrimination. “It’s the easiest stereotype to overcome,” she pointed out. “If you don’t like the model minority stereotype, all you have to do is get a nose ring.” And indeed, today, Asians in America are successfully outgrowing the model minority fable. But the stereotype is changing much faster than the population; the stereotype has become amorphous, all-encompassing, and practically impossible to overcome. And even when exceptions are identified, I’m not sure they should be. Why does Jeremy Lin have to be the exception to the rule? Why can’t he just be a posterchild for everything awesome and empowering about this (our) generation of rule-breaking Asian-Americans?
Anyways, that’s my rant of the month. By the way, I mean rule-breaking in a broad sense. Of course we still do our homework. Oh, and Jeremy Lin...here’s my number, so call me maybe?
Am I crazy, or do you kind of see where I'm coming from? Sometimes I feel lucky to be a hybrid, because people have trouble categorizing me. I'm interested to hear from those of you that are more, uh, visually identifiable. Leave a comment below!
Thankfully, though, we have plenty of stereotypes. It would be stupid if we didn't. But honestly, it surprises me how reluctant we are -- even in this extremely PC, supposedly enlightened society -- to move beyond our most primitive assumptions. See, it’s that time of year when I should tell you about the classes I’m taking. But if I do that (and reveal my smoldering wreckage of a plan of study), you’re going to make me talk about my major, aren’t you? And honestly, I’m not excited to write about my life plans because it would be tedious. I am incredibly bored of explaining how open-minded my family is. I feel like a broken record repeating myself about how I know they will support me in any career path I decide to follow. No matter what I do or say, I keep getting the same questions: “Are you not allowed to study the humanities?” That makes a lot of sense, given that my parents majored in economics and philosophy and both teach law. My personal favorite: “Would your mom kill you if you decided to be an English major?” Believe it or not, in her spare time, my mom enjoys writing memoirs. “Better cram in those electives before you have to major in something Asian!”
Hold up a second. What does that even mean?
Maybe it’s just me, but after a year of being branded with the so-called Asian stereotype, I’m not sure I even know what that stereotype really is. And I doubt you do, either. Indulge me here, and let's think this through.
Take your typical Asian guy: His name is Ding Dong. He has buck teeth and slits for eyes and brings chopsticks to the cafeteria so he can eat his dog with hot sauce. He is also a math genius with lots of extracurriculars.
 |
| False. Tintin is from Belgium. |
Say he instead decides to study economics. Of course he does: his parents have commanded him to become rich and successful.
If he finds a passion for government or law, there’s an easy explanation. His mother, who happens to be a professor at Yale Law School, is forcing him to follow in her footsteps.
What if, defying all expectations, he decides to major in East African folklore and film studies? Easy – it’s obviously a strategic move, so that he can stand out from other Chinese kids on grad school applications. Classic Asian.
These are not my examples. These are comments I have read in print, found on my blog, and heard from my peers.
When taken together, these stereotypes paint no portrait. They are unrelated, incompatible, and even contradictory, in all save one respect: each one of the stereotypes above seeks to rob Asians of their agency. Each one suggests that Asians, particularly Asian youth, are incapable of autonomous action and instead blindly follow predetermined paths. No matter what choices an Asian makes, people will insist that those choices were made for him, not by him.
When I was little, my mom told me never to complain about anti-Asian discrimination. “It’s the easiest stereotype to overcome,” she pointed out. “If you don’t like the model minority stereotype, all you have to do is get a nose ring.” And indeed, today, Asians in America are successfully outgrowing the model minority fable. But the stereotype is changing much faster than the population; the stereotype has become amorphous, all-encompassing, and practically impossible to overcome. And even when exceptions are identified, I’m not sure they should be. Why does Jeremy Lin have to be the exception to the rule? Why can’t he just be a posterchild for everything awesome and empowering about this (our) generation of rule-breaking Asian-Americans?
Anyways, that’s my rant of the month. By the way, I mean rule-breaking in a broad sense. Of course we still do our homework. Oh, and Jeremy Lin...here’s my number, so call me maybe?
Am I crazy, or do you kind of see where I'm coming from? Sometimes I feel lucky to be a hybrid, because people have trouble categorizing me. I'm interested to hear from those of you that are more, uh, visually identifiable. Leave a comment below!
I love it. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteawesome
ReplyDeleteinteresting post/rant ... despite ( or maybe because of)the fact I've read many similar ones. I'm honestly a little surprised that your peers would ask whether you're parents are okay with you doing something, before asking you what YOU want to do!forget stereotypes, that's just discourteous! in my experience, a lot of people will have some sort of absurd notion about you because of what you look like, what you wear, how you speak. its tiring having to refute these stereotypes all the time...but eventually people will stop saying things out loud, even if they have a ridiculous idea in their mind. and some articles (a minority, but still) do portray Jeremy Lin as the posterchild for asian americans instead of as an exception...and the youth will always have its agency, no matter what people think or say. i look at in a rather bleak manner.... stereotypes can't really be eradicated, but they can always be defied.
ReplyDeleteReturn of the Old Geezer:
ReplyDeleteYes, I know, that is painting a stereotype of myself. Humor and truth can be helpful, I figure, so I inject a stereotype, which has a little of both. I was born into an area of the USA, which has various negative stereotypes attached to it. I now live in a doubly stereotyped area of the USA. Stereotypes are a natural process of the human desire and need to organize and label for clarity in life. However, the way it is applied, often with emotionally-charged attachments, can turn stereotypes negative. Stereotyping is Grouping, which as I said is Organizing.
Jeremey Lin:
I am surprised and shocked to learn that Jeremey Lin is the first American-born Asian to play in the NBA. In fact, I am patiently waiting and hoping, that some other Asian is found in the annals of Pro Basketball History to have been Asian and paid to play basketball. It strikes me as a gross oversight to have not encouraged Asians to participate in basketball, possibly other sports, as well.
I have been appalled by some of the stupidity I've read about, which has attached itself to his rise in the NBA. Had he had his great start in a smaller market, not the Media capital of America, NYC, I believe he would be less well-known and treated with more dignity than he has been afforded so far. (Oh yeah, as a Harvard Grad, I am sure you can count on him being invited back to Harvard to speak, so don't miss the chance to hear him, speak to him, and uh...find a way to share your phone number. Just trying to be helpful.)
Asians I have known:
I have met and known several different Asian cultures and count that a wonderful learning experience. Will concentrate here on my Chinese experience. If I see Chinese stereotypes within a Chinese culture , despite seeing individual Chinese as individual human beings, there are reasons. I had a Chinese lady mathematics teacher in high school, her daughter was quite Americanized compared to Mom, who had left (escaped perhaps) Mao's China, I believe. My final math instructor in college was Chinese. I once met a Chinese guy who attended Cooper Union for a year, near NYC I believe (no easy place to get into), before leaving to work for Kodak as an technical equipment repairman. Very intelligent fellow, who had a small daughter he introduced to modeling, so I learned he wasn't totally into being "brainy."
So, if I see Chinese as studious, mathematically, scientificly, and technically oriented, it's come from experience. Oh, also, most Chinese I've met have some acquaintance with a Chinese lagnuage, if not a native speaker to start with. :-) I'm skipping Bruce Lee and the Kung Fu stuff, since I did not know him personally, nor do I know any Asian martial arts experts.
However, another Chinese stereotype, which I've never met, thankfully, which was once a strong stereotype in this country is the Chinese Gang world. Real enough, but made up of a small minority, as in any race or culture that is civilized.
Part 2
ReplyDeleteTiger Mom and New Tiger Are Stereotypes:
Use of the terms "Tiger Mom" or "New Tiger" invokes a stereotype. They almost sound like evil, sinister stereotypes, meant to project outwards as territorial and attack oriented. Fittingly Chinese in many respects, as a self-labeling stereotype. So, you see, even you project a stereotype; harmless and amusing, of course. It's your way of communicating.
All Stereotypes:
All stereotypes quickly become wrong beyond a certain, almost always surface-type level. Some are quite regretable, in that they still exist with all their negative implications. However, almost no race, creed, or national origin avoids them.
The trick is taking a positive attitude, while educating others about who we are as individuals, and at times, educating people about who we are as a group; diverse even within a group, normally. So far, I have neither put a ring through my nose, nor added a tattoo to differentiate me from any stereotype. I try to be myself.
That alone will alienate enough people, who will soon attach labels to me, so...people do get to know me, when I am not a hermit attached to my computer's umbilical cord.
:-)
Forgive my typos, spelling gone awry, and how, I actually think I may be having an important communication with you and the world. I now bow with Asian grace, honor, and respect to you, wise Young-One. I'm off to sink my chopsticks into two plain Whoppers and a cup of soft serve ice cream. Okay, I better GIT, just grossed out half your readers when I said plain.
Keep talking to us. Best of luck in finding, living, and enjoying a full life, filled with happiness. That's the best stereotype of all. (One more thing: How's your game of Ping Pong? You do play, right?)
So I was going along reading this post thinking, "Damn straight! Preach!" and then I got to the last line and laughed out loud. I totally haven't been study rocking to that song all weekend...
ReplyDeleteOf all your blog posts so far, this one feels the most like something that could be/ should be published on a larger platform (kinda like how you wrote that letter in the NY Post). It is something that a lot of people can relate to, but your mom's book has put you in the unique position of being a voice on the matter that people would actually be interested in hearing from (as opposed to the many Asian-American college randos who hold similar views). And, as someone above mentioned, if people are actually asking you these questions then they are just plain rude. Those comments go beyond misconceptions of the book or Asian-American culture to flat-out discourtesy. I know it's a way overused and not entirely fair sentiment, but still: if Harvard kids, our supposed future leaders, act this way then I'm not exactly encouraged for the future. But of course there are people like you there too. So.
I completely understand what you are trying to say. I am, as you word it, more visibly identifiable as Asian.
ReplyDeleteI think my problem is that I fall into the stereotype. Yes, my social life is not the most flourishing; yes, I enjoy nerdy things like LotR; yes, I do try to show an insane amount of respect to my elders. IT WAS MY CHOICE.
People think I'm some kind of subservient creature to my parents. They think I've been brainwashed into the Asian culture and had obedience beaten into me. I can't even get a word in that I actually appreciate my parents and the morals they've taught me and that is why I show respect.
When I grow up, I want to become a doctor. My parents are both physicians as well. I can practically see the eye-rolls from all of your readers. The catch is that I was not forced into picking medicine. I know it's difficult for all of you to believe, but I actually picked my own career even though there are 14 other doctors in my family, not including my brother and cousin who are currently training to become physicians as well. (No, I am not exaggerating about the number 14.)
My mother says a similar remark about stereotypes as your mum does. She tells me that I should be happy that people assume that I am talented instead of unintelligent. I do appreciate this, but for the love of all that is holy, will SOMEONE please realize that I want to become a doctor because it's what *I* love?
I meet my parents' colleagues and they all say, "Ah, of course you will be a doctor just like your parents." No, I am becoming a doctor because you couldn't pay me all the money in the world to do anything else with my life. I'm not doing this for the job security, for the money, for the prestige, or for the pride it may bring my family. I am doing it because it is my dream.
I suppose many people may think that I don't really face a struggle similar to yours because I'm not some kind of "Asian rebel". But it's honestly the exact same way for me.
Don't people understand that when they say things like, "You're Asian, of course you're smart enough to become a doctor", they're just making me feel worthless? As though I'm already "normal", so I don't have to work hard to achieve what I want to. I don't ask one of my best friends, a Columbian, how her family is teaching her about drug cartels, now do I?
Sorry, I needed that rant. Now, back to filling out summer pre-medicine camp applications as my Tiger Mom insults my essay from over my shoulder. ;)
Hey! 100% Asian reporting here. I'm heading off to Harvard as part of the c/o 2016, and it's refreshing to know that there are people there who don't just categorize by race. I myself plan to be a veterinarian, and ever since my parents realized it wasn't a "little girl who loves puppies" phase, they have been fully supportive of my goals. Everybody thinks that if you're Asian and successful, it is because of your parents and not because of your own drive, so thank you for showing otherwise.
ReplyDeleteSee you next year!
Awww, but what about people like me who think you're awesome and would support you no matter what you majored in/what classes you're taking in? I was curious about what classes you're taking because I'm genuinely interested in the intellectual breadth that Harvard has to offer, because your descriptions of last semester's classes were SO great and on-point, and because I'm never going to be able to take Harvard classes. And even if you're taking like all math and science classes or something, I wouldn't stereotype you at all!! Besides, how are you going to decide what you're going to major in if you don't try different classes in different fields, right? here's to hoping that you'll still post about your classes! don't listen to those trolls, it seems like they're still a minority and most people on here love and support you anyway!
ReplyDeleteLUV,
Gloria
"What if, defying all expectations, he decides to major in East African folklore and film studies? Easy – it’s obviously a strategic move, so that he can stand out from other Chinese kids on grad school applications. Classic Asian."
ReplyDeleteWait, are you talking about Chinese kids who decide to major in East African folklore and film studies who are still pre-med and decide to major in something different to stand out in med school applications, etc.? Because I don't see how anyone would stereotype someone who decided to major in East African folklore and film studies or English or Anthropology or cooking or whatever because they're really passionate about the field and not because they just want to enhance their med school application. Who are these people who are stereotyping you anyway? people at Harvard?
on a different note, i love your mom's quote!
Sophia. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteAs a white person (or, as I usually refer to myself, a "generic Euro-blend" person) I feel like it can be hard to know when, if ever, it's okay for me to join in on stereotypes or if that automatically makes me racist. I live in the "nerd dorms" at my school, and over half my floor is Asian (stereotype!) so I have a lot of Asian friends. A few of them were rehearsing a skit for a dinner their Asian students group was holding, and they called me in to come watch them practice. The skit was about stereotypical Asian family dynamics, and it was clearly based off of experiences they'd had in real life that they could laugh at good-naturedly. As we talked about the skit (your mom's book came up, of course) I wasn't really sure what I should say, since I didn't know if my different frame of reference as a non-Asian "outsider" meant I had to deal with things more carefully, even amongst my friends. It also struck me how their skit probably would have never been acceptable with some other minority groups, but since they are "model minority" Asians it somehow seems more okay. I'm sure various people out there have already discussed this issue ad nauseum, but, since racial and cultural stereotypes are all around, it can be sort of a puzzling situation. I feel like stereotyped minority groups have one sort of agency in that they can discuss the common judgements about their own groups with more freedom, but at the same time they have less agency because they are being stereotyped in the first place.
ReplyDeleteOf course, it's not like there aren't stereotypes against white people or other "dominant" groups as well. I get stereotyped all the time for being from the Midwest, or for being a quadruplet, or for any number of things.
And, (stemming in part from the Midwestern, generic Euro-blend thing I'm sure) I think it would be cool to be a hybrid. I'm sure there are downsides to it, but I think the idea of having two cultures to learn from growing up (provided the parents are actually somewhat active with their "native" cultures) would be such an enriching thing. Plus, I'm pretty sure all the hapa people I've ever met have been above-averagely attractive (stereotype!).
Lastly, sorry for all the parenthetical construction. I don't know what it is about writing on this blog that makes me use them so much, but I promise I know better. :)
Why would talking about your life plans be tedious? You obviously don't need to have your life all planned out at the age of 19, but when you do have some plans, I'd feel excited to talk about them if I were you... If you're passionate enough about something, you'll want to talk about what you want to do with that passion and won't budge when trolls say blah blah blah because it's something you believe in (unless it's for the wrong reasons). Even if that passion is law or government and there are damn trolls who say, "oh your mom is just following in your footsteps", if you were really passionate about fixing the judicial system that is broken in many ways, for instance, and you expressed your good reasons, I wouldn't think your mom forced you to it at all! in fact, i think you'd be a great asset to the government because you have so much leadership potential, are clearly a very strong and confident person, and are very good at expressing yourself and your views (are you ever going to tell us your views on health care reform, btw? i'd love to hear them!)
ReplyDeletep.s. I actually completely believe you when you say that your parents are very open-minded; it's so obvious from her interviews, why can't people see that?
Hey!! I also wanted to add to the person above who said she'd support you no matter what you decide to concentrate in!! Same here!!!! And honestly, only DUMBASSES would make some of those stereotypes above and ask you repetitive questions about whether your mom would kill you if you did this or that, don't listen to them!!! If anyone writes another post like that, I'm prepared to defend you :)
ReplyDeleteAlso, I don't think most SMART and REASONABLE people would generalize that just because you're taking this and this in freshman year, you're going to do this and this with your life. people change and obviously you should take all the classes you're interested in! there's no better time to than in college. I LOL-ED when you described Ding Dong as eating his dog with hot sauce in the cafeteria- you are HILARIOUS and I LOVE YOUR WRITING!!!! If you really don't want to blog about your classes, I hope you'll tell us about other things that are new with you at Harvard! :)
You're so inspiring and thoughtful.
ReplyDeleteI can understand your frustration with Asian stereotypes. That said, a large part of your mom's book focused on culture-based parenting stereotypes so it seems only natural that your audience would be full of people asking such questions and making such comments.
ReplyDeleteYes, I think that you’re getting all of these annoying questions because your mom did write a book essentially packed with narrow-minded stereotypes, and there’s even a section in the book when she lectures you about how being the first child means you should be obedient and submissive and “listen to career advice” instead of running out into the ocean buck naked. I wonder what her career advice to you has been starting from like age 5… I think it’s easy for anyone to say about themselves that they are open-minded or that they are actually "making fun of narrow-minded tiger parenting". Who wants to admit that they’re narrow-minded, unless they’re Communist or very conservative religious people who don’t believe in rights for women or gays? Anyone can claim that they are open-minded but it’s one choices that actually reflect open-mindedness and ability to think for oneself and in your case, I suppose your mom’s reactions to your choices. But as you very intelligently pointed out, even if you were to choose a career that is not as traditionally “Asian” like business/econ, which is now topped by Asians as well due to their hard work, people may still have something hateful/racist to say about that (which is funny because I find no career to be more open-minded than that of an entrepreneur/innovator). So you absolutely have no obligation to listen to people’s discriminatory critiques/stereotypes.
DeleteThis sums up a large part of the Asian American conscious right now, or at least my conscious as an Asian which I'm assuming others share too. It's like Invisible Man all over again.
ReplyDeletestereotypes can be annoying, they can also be fun. its a thin line, and its hard to know which side of the line you're on!
ReplyDeleteYour post was amazing, but after reading that last line, all I could think was, "I LOVE THAT SONG!!!!"
ReplyDeleteSo yeah. You rock, Sophia! I love reading your blog! :D
Sophia, you are so well-spoken, hilarious, intelligent and seem like a wonderful person to get to know. Keep up what you're doing, know that we're supporting you 110%!
ReplyDeleteI. love. this. post.
ReplyDeleteHi Sophia,
ReplyDeleteWeird coincidence; today in my sociology tutorial, my peers and I were having a discussion on prejudice, stereotype and discrimination. When the discussion touched on the concept of stereotype, I immediately thought of your post. So here is my thought on stereotype: it doesn't work on people who are already in the top 20% of the population. They are simply too smart to be caught in the web of stereotype. They are already in control of their life and no matter what ethnicity they are in or what they choose for their life, their heart won't waver as easily as the rest (80% of people). I know this thought is stereotypical per se, but I am trying to say that some people are just purely jealous of what the top 20% can do and they try to bring them down with whatever nasty tactics they can think of. So for those young intelligent minds who are still meandering through the sea of stereotypes and gossips, your post is a great beacon to salvage them and point them to the right course.
To that end, bravo.
Though I do admire Jeremy Lin, I take issue with a part of a comment about him that was written on your last blog post. An "Anonymous" wrote that "Jeremy Lin's mother once told his coach that if Jeremy didn't get his A- in some Harvard course back to A within a week, she'd take him off basketball." I don't know where this commenter heard this story, but I definitely don't consider it tiger parenting. It seems like straight-up helicopter parenting to me.
ReplyDeleteNow, I'm sure Mrs. Lin pushing and encouraging her son and instilling a strong work ethic in him has had a lot to do with his success, and I think that's great, but this story makes me queasy. I think college is high-time for a person to be operating on his or her own without a parent acting as a go-between with a coach (or professor, employer, etc.). I suppose a strong argument could be made that if Jeremy's parents are paying for his college education then they damn well have the right to set whatever ultimatums they want, but this anecdote seems like meddling helicoptering (and from Amy's latest WSJ article, I feel that she would agree).
I guess this points to one of the biggest issues I have with tiger parenting- a system I fully support and advocate overall. How can a parent stand over their kid's shoulder enough to make sure they're excelling without being helicopter-y? I personally call helicopter on supervising your child's music practice for two hours, or drilling dozens of math tests with them. Yet at the same time, I think that's a great sacrifice of time to make for your child if you can afford it, and that it's probably quite beneficial for the child in the early years. But it just seems like so much of micromanaging the child toward success as opposed to micromanaging the child to juice-box bliss or whatever typical helicopter parents are going for. I guess a lot has to do with the age of the child, and instilling good values in them when they are too young to choose them for themselves. But it still seems like tiger parenting can just be the flip-side of helicopter parenting: you're spoiling the child with massive amounts of personalized attention either way, you're just going about it by either a strict or lenient route. I'm 100% sure that Sophia is completely capable of being self-sufficient now, but the cynical part of me still looks at all the time (and money!!) that her parents spent on her piano and says "Well, duh. Of course she was so successful. She had so much handed to her". I know, I know, that's not the point of tiger parenting, its lessons span cultural and socioeconomic lines, and at some point the kid does have to cooperate and put in effort and deserves some credit for herself. I get that. But still.
Anyway, like I said, I still love tiger parenting overall, and I guess the outcome difference between it and helicoptering is really the key to why I think one is so much better even while I see so many similarities between the two.
Thanks for the new post, I always love hearing from you!
Hey there,
DeleteThis is the anonymous poster you mentioned. :) I think the key difference between helicopter and tiger parenting, as Amy Chua pointed out, is the fact that the former assumes weakness and the latter assumes strength of the child.
I am very pro-strength. If I had a kid, I'd tell her/him in a very matter-of-factly manner a) to be damn sure to get straight A's, b) if you do, then you can do whatever else you darn want, but c) whatever you end up doing, be sure to put in the hours needed to be great at it.
The child has a LOT of wiggle room there. All they have to do is demonstrate that they are capable of fulfilling what is asked of them, which basically gives them a carte blanche with one minor provision -- be sure to deliver.
I am very results-oriented. If what they choose for b) is to simply relax, no problem, but make sure you actually do relax and don't end up more tired than you were before.
Now, I am not a poster child for the above. I often make extremely inefficient use of my time whatever I do and I procrastinate as well, like what I am doing right now. I think the reason I leave comments on this blog is that it's some sort of outlet for my frustrations with the mainstream views on education. Some people say "oh college is a waste of money", others think "college is an investment that's going to increase my kid's average lifetime earnings", and yet others say that "you should let your kid decide".
To me, all of these questions are largely irrelevant. College, like absolutely everything in life, is what you make of it. Regardless of what you end up doing, you have to work hard and study. Study many things. Experience many, many things. And use all of these experiences in useful ways. Knowledge and greatness will only come to you if you come to them and there is nothing but yourself that decides that. A door is either open or shut. You make the difference. And don't ever make excuses, especially those about being "disadvantaged" in one way or another.
I hope I managed to convey that the child is actually in control to a large extent, all they have to do is fulfill their part of the contract. You give me results, I give you freedom.
'"Jeremy Lin's mother once told his coach that if Jeremy didn't get his A- in some Harvard course back to A within a week, she'd take him off basketball." I don't know where this commenter heard this story, but I definitely don't consider it tiger parenting. It seems like straight-up helicopter parenting to me.'
DeleteFull story: http://www.thirdage.com/celebrities/jeremy-lins-tiger-mother
Sorry it's taken me a couple days to check back here- my school is on a quarter system, so we're having finals right now and I've been trying to tiger-mother myself about internet distractions. :)
DeleteI think you're absolutely right that the main difference between tigers and helicopters is their respective assumptions of strength or weakness. When I was talking about tiger parents exhibiting helicopter qualities, I wasn't trying to refer to the (usually) later years when the kid is largely given lots of freedom as long as she continues to succeed. I was mainly referring to the early years when (Amy, at least) spent many hours standing over the kids and essentially not giving them the chance to fail. (Though I guess we could question the western notion that "the chance to fail" is actually worthwhile and produces the long-term maturity and lesson-learned effect that people claim it does.) While most of me does think that this vigilant approach in the early years is worth it since most kids need strong behavior demonstrated to them somehow, part of me still wonders how high a kid's confidence would actually be if she knew that she hadn't been doing all that study and practice due to her own initiative but instead because mom was standing over her shoulder. I know Sophia sort of mentioned this in her new years post and that she genuinely liked piano and school most of the time, so she wasn't necessarily being "forced" to do anything, but it's still a slight hang-up I have when considering tiger parenting.
As for Jeremy Lin, that article says that his mother was calling his coach in his high school days, not while he was at Harvard. I think that's a big distinction to make (though again, the money thing) not the least of which because an A- at Harvard is definitely not the same as an A- in high school.
Thanks for the response and the link!
I've always wanted to say this. With regards to your mother's post on her facebook page about Jeremy Lin having a tiger mother: I highly doubt it's validity. It's not worth trying to associate Jeremy with yourselves to gain more fame.
ReplyDeleteI agree. Jeremy Lin's parents encourage him to play sport, which most tiger mothers oppose. I don't see Jeremy's parents jump in front of the camera attracting media attention, instead they asked the media to leave his family alone. I can't image if one of Chua's daughters became so big how much media attention we will see on their mother. I am sure Jeremy was raised in a much more humble way.
DeleteVery interesting post, Sophia!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you.
Asian stereotypes is a really interesting topic - something I think about sometimes. It's funny, because a lot of them are accurate. In Australia, A LOT of Asian people are doing biomedical science, commerce, economics, accounting...
I am a journalism and international studies (languages) student who has always been a humanities girl. I really enjoy what I'm learning but yes, I do feel a little proud when I think I am "breaking the stereotype". I mean, 90% of the journalism students at my uni are pretty much all Australians. I feel good that as an Asian I can show people that not all of us are just good at maths and science!
But you know what... I think despite all the negative things associated with "Asian" and "education" and "career"... I think it's great that Asian parents produce kids who aim high. I mean, why not?
Bottom line is, I think people put too much emphasis on "smart Asian" stereotypes. Truth is, if someone is determined, they'll work hard and probably go far, regardless of their parents or background.
I think I'm where I want to be - this semester, I'm learning a new language, some foundations in international studies and a journalism subject. It's fun and definitely not "nerdy", and I'm happy where I am. And I would be here whether I was Asian or not.
So, um...... what ARE you majoring in, Sophia? Haha.
That reminds me. I still need to send you a letter
:)
It's funny that you posted something about stereotypes today as I was reading up on them earlier and thought back to a year ago, when the UCLA video against Asians went viral. It's amazing how many different stereotypes apply to Asians: fortune cookies, high math scores, straight A's in just about everything, no cable or any free time at all, working hard, Tiger mothers and even more that are unable to come to mind at the moment.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I hope that you are enjoying whatever classes you're taking at Harvard. Harvard always seems to have the most diverse class schedules I've ever seen. History on specific eras and even on the obscure occurrences of the past.
And with majors, I think because of how hard Asians work, we can major in pretty much anything and be successful. It's just how the Asian parenting system works really. I went for the typical route, Pre-med and Engineering with a minor in International Studies and find it hilarious when people always say, of course she's doing that, she's Asian! :P
I'm an Asian NZer who did a degree in anthropology. No, I didn't study med, or dentistry or accounting, or pharmacy or engineering any of those stereotyped "good asian student" subjects. During grad school, I was the only Asian student in the anthropology department. I think it's to do with the fact that most Asians parents encourage their kids to study courses that are practical, well respected and have a high likely hood of future job, success and fortune. I’m now a professional archaeologist. Yes, it’s an unusual career for an Asian NZer, but it’s what I enjoy doing. And yes, I have a nose ring. I got it in Nepal while volunteering there one summer.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of Asian American sports celebrities, we learnt about stereotypes in our undergrad courses in social anthropology. The example the lecturer used was Tiger Woods: He’s half Asian (one-quarter Chinese and one-quarter Thai). They always hark on about how he’s a positive role model for the Black American community. Yet very few highlight the fact that he’s half Asian... and thus, a great sporting role model for the Asian community too. Woods refers to his ethnic make-up as Cablinasian" (a syllabic abbreviation he coined from Caucasian, Black, American Indian, and Asian).
If you decide to major in Film Studies, you might be interested in this: http://www.banana-film.com/
Growing up in New Zealand, Roseanne Liang was the perfect Chinese daughter. She excelled in piano, ballet and drama, as well as becoming dux (valedictorian) of her school. She did everything her parents expected of her until: she fell in love with a Kiwi boy and decided to make a film about it. She ended up becoming a film maker in her adult life. Long hours, late nights for very little monetary return. Her Asian parents thought her career choice was rather strange to say the least.
"The slang definition of 'Banana' is: an Asian who has been brought up in Western society: yellow on the outside, white on the inside," says Liang. "Well, that's me. And this is my story, in a nutshell.”
Wow! An Asian New Zealander like me! Except, shockingly, instead of being a postgrad of anything, I’m a university drop-out!! My parents like to joke how I went the roundabout way, came full-circle and ended up in the same place as their friends’ kids who studied economics - a sellout at a bank - but at least I had a blast doing it.
DeleteOn the surface I was a typical Asian kid growing up in Western society. I got straight A's, was good at math, went to a private school, played the violin and my parents wanted me to be a doctor. We emigrated from Taiwan in the early 90s when the economy was booming and most immigrants from Taiwan were well-off. For us, there was definitely little adversity to overcome, but that didn't stop our parents from wanting us to do better than our peers. My parents just didn’t do it the tiger-parenting way - blame Mum for reading Western parenting books while she was pregnant!
My achievements at school was discovered rather than coached. In the early years, A grades "happened", but as school increased in difficulty, I didn't want to face dropping grades so I voluntarily worked to achieve them. My parents never pushed though they were proud I did well. Other Asian kids at school hired tutors and studied constantly but their parents freaked out if they didn't get straight As etc - in contrast, my parents often forgot to look at my report card and never worried if I didn't appear to do any study for ages, because they trusted me and knew I wanted A's for myself so there was nothing to worry about.
I requested violin lessons as I thought it was a lovely instrument - I appreciate not being pushed when I chose to stop, as I know I never could have loved it. Because I suspected I was sheltered from the real world, my parents let me leave private school to go to a "normal" school despite having won a host of awards the year I left. Catch was that the public school I wanted to go to was one of the best and I had to write a special letter to the principal to get myself in as it was nowhere near the area I lived in (admissions are based on zones). Then a year later I decided to go back to private school because I missed the competitive environment, the emphasis on excellence, decided I wanted to be in the International Baccalaureate program, and *gasp* desired the high-calibre Theatre department which was known around the country!
My mum wanted me to use my grades to study medicine but understood when I said it wasn't what I wanted to do with my life, knowing that whatever I did choose, I'd do well in. During uni, I worked part-time because my white peers did, did theatre in my spare time and spent a lot of time in the campus pub. Yet I loved my classes and had no idea what I was going to major in - the papers were so interesting, ranging from the humanities to literature to computer science to foreign languages.
By chance I landed a full time summer job in the telecommunications. I loved the dynamic environment, the technology, the people who worked there. It was growing company of young, hip, smart people - geeks with interesting lives; the owner/CEO was a dropout worth millions and ran the 4th biggest ISP in the country at age 27. I kept the job part-time when I went back to uni in the fall, but eventually I felt like study was holding me back.
DeleteIn my early 20s I earned more, experienced more - travel, fine food, my own apartment - than my peers from school; my work friends were about 5 years older. Today, at 26, I’ve somehow ended up working in the IT division at a big bank in the strong, relatively recession-free economy of Australia. They have a Graduate Program which tends to hire authority-respecting Asian grads almost my age with 2 degrees, who get handed the lackey work that no one feels like doing. You could look at me
You could look at me and think I was just like them a year ago - someone who studied their butt off for 6 years to get a stable job in a big corporate, an overeducated overachiever - when I don't in fact even have an undergrad degree and have never had to make anybody's coffee.
DeleteSo, I guess, after all that ranting, my only point is that there is more than one way to instill a desire for excellence and achievement in your kids, and one of those ways is the hippy (compared to tiger parenting) approach by being supportive and trusting.
I think so far the best method I have encountered to deal with the stereotype, so to speak, is to just ignore it- so what if what you do is also a field crowded by millions of other Asians? That's life. The majority of anybody's pursuits, based on global demographics, will eventually (or already is) majority Asian in terms of the number of students studying in that field.
ReplyDeleteThat doesn't mean you have to just be one of the crowd- sure, there's a lot of Accounting majors out there that are also Asian, but I'm in it not because it's what my parents wanted me to do but because I genuinely enjoy getting deep down into the transactions of each business.
At the end of the day, there is this Cantonese proverb/idiom/thing that my mom always mentions that roughly translates to "everyone's heart is keeping track of the truth". Sure, society can keep saying that you're in a field because it's "the Asian thing to do" or "what your parents said so" but only you know the true answer to whether or not you're studying a particular thing because you love it and are passionate about it or if you're just in and out for the quick buck, to please a parent, or to live up to a stereotype.
Also, it's not just Asian parents that do this, though a lot do- I've heard stories of non-Asian friends forced to study Pre-Med or some sort of business degree because "it provides stability" or some other BS line like that.
If you love what you do, people will figure it out. If you don't, people will figure that out. At the end of the day, no matter your motivations, you can only be truly good at something if you love it, because when you're doing it for 60, 70, 80, 90, 100 hours a week, you better love it.
It's not just you! I'm a visually identifiable Asian in one of those stereotypical disciplines and I'm sick and tired of explaining that I chose this profession of my own free will. Love the post!
ReplyDeletePerhaps, the single all-encompassing Asian stereotype is that all Asians conform to a stereotype or another.
ReplyDeleteHere we go again, another chink trying to make Americans look bad. lol I kid.
ReplyDeleteIt's fun seeing you annoyed at people stereotyping you, but only because I know you won't let anyone get to you. The thing is, when people stereotype you as the "model minority", they are simply making up excuses for themselves as to why they are not as hard-working/successful as you are. So instead of taking a page from your book, they just write you off as being deficient in some other "more important" way than trying to excel at everything you do.
Anyways, what else has been going on in your life, girl? You know that some of your online fans really miss you when you don't post for a while, right? Because we really do and I was super-happy when I saw the new post. I promise you, I am not some creepy/obsessed person, I just find your posts fun to read. But you are super attractive too, so that helps as well.
Can't wait for your next post, can't get enough of you. But don't turn into some crazy full-time blogger either! Love your tweets as well, you are really funny. Your boyfriend is so effing lucky, he probably doesn't even realize.
You inspire me, really. Your articles are always thought-provoking and very enjoyable to read given that great sense of humour you have.
ReplyDeleteAbout the Asian stereotyping thing, I can't really comment on it as I am not very well acquainted with the whole scenario 'cause I live in India where everyone (well, almost) is sadly hell-bent on living out the whole Indian stereotype.
Over here, everything is exactly opposite where you ARE expected to follow in your parent's footsteps and become a doctor/engineer/accountant etc. People judge you (ALOT) on the career choices you make. I initially went with it but decided to change fields last moment and major in journalism and follow my dreams, for which I got a lot of flak, from both my peers and friends with a random few being supportive of my decision. That said, and at long last the point I am trying to make before my personal rant began, it is difficult to break stereotypes either way (American or Indian) because they are so stone set in the society. Even if you try to clear those kind of mindsets (who are not worth the effort and patience to be honest), some stubborn ones never really go away. The only thing I can do is work hard and show people that you can be successful in the vocation you are passionate about and make those sceptics shut their mouths for good. In the end, as my mom said, you can always live the way the society expects you too and be miserable that you did not listen to your heart. But you also can follow your dreams that make you happy. :) (That really does sound very cliché, sorry for that)I mean, in the end, who cares what the people who judge you say? If you have people around you who appreciate you for who you are, your views and talents, the stereotype doesn't really matter anymore.
And we all would LOVE to hear about the classes you are taking, your thoughts on them can never get boring. :)
Well, all I can say is at least you're not Hispanic. Not to belittle your heartfelt post, but I *wish* that the stereotypes associated with my people were those associated with Asians. From my vantage point, what is so bad about people expecting the best from you all the time? Ok, so you want to be able to take credit for your own success. But if you don't get the credit, at least you still have the success. And you don't have to deal with people assuming you're an illiterate scumbag loser as soon as you walk in somewhere. Try having to prove everyone wrong about that all the time. I did ok for myself but the mind games this played on me limited my potential. Now that I have 2 daughters I have to fight tooth and nail to make sure they are regarded as capable as their white or Asian peers. Unfortunately, no one will be expecting my girls to be wildly successful (except Me and Daddy).
ReplyDeleteAt least you are not black. Black people are degraded all around the world. In Europe, in Asia, in South America, etc. Black people basically have no escape from negative stereotypes.
DeleteWhat's worse is that even black people stereotype themselves. Why do you think they use the N word, which is inherently degrading, when referring to each other? Because they don't think much of their fellow "niggas". That's where the whole "is Obama black enough" debate comes from. From black people themselves. They distinguish between "true" black "niggas" and Obama, seeing their kind as basically forever destined to poverty and shitty life, whereas they view Obama as a black who betrayed their own kind and painted his face white.
Still though, black people now have a few role models of their own race to look up to -- Obama & Michelle, Neil DeGrasse Tyson, MLK, hmmm, is that it? Well, it doesn't matter anyway, that's the whole point, pick whoever you want as your role model.
I agree that reflection on stereotypes must, at some point, differentiate between those associated with the "model minority" and those associated with, let's say, 'inferior minorities' (black people, Hispanic people and whoever else).
DeleteThis distinction is informed by the idea of a racial hierarchy, which is implicitly, if not explicitly, upheld by a significant number of people. Black people are typically viewed as having the lowest status of all. If you're not black then you can always say 'phew, well at least I'm not black!' (That said, even the whole 'model minority' tag is problematic given that it is applicable to only the right kind of Asians, namely, Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Indian.)
But no-one is very much interested in a competition where the award goes to the 'most oppressed group EVER!' However, it'd be great if the world didn't have stereotypes. I admit I'm thoroughly humourless. (But I'm not a nominalist!)
Stereotypes dress up evaluations as immutable, value-free facts. Worse, they seep into your very being: even to fight a stereotype is to concede something to it. Worse still, fighting a negative stereotype appears to reduce one's potential for success, howsoever understood. (See really interesting studies by psychologist Sian Beilock.)
I'd love to say 'to hell with stereotypes' but that would fail to address the problems they do in fact create. But, even if it means being humourless and inefficient, I think we should always question our assumptions about others. Furthermore, the importance of a range of positive role models cannot be underestimated. From Asian basketball players, break dancers and philosophers, e.g., Jaegwon Kim and Amy Chua (political philosophy),to black economists (Roland Fryer, Dambisa Moyo), classical musicians (Kelly Hall-Tompkins and Terrence Wilson) and painters (Chris Ofili).
Sophia it's a shame you're reluctant to talk about your courses due, in some part, to the pressures of stereotypes. But hey it's your blog and you call the shots here. Just remember, at all times, nil carborundum!!!!!
BTW: I'm black with a doctorate in...philosophy...and a nose-ring... My (tiger-ish) father is well confused by me!
I think that one of the issues is that stereotyping is based on anxiousness or uncertainty about another culture. The typical Asian stereotype is, as you pointed out, the "model minority". The stereotype is that Asians can obtain professional success. But in general, there is a conscious backlash to this stereotype. Some people think that of it in sort of an inferiority complex way - why is that race the smart ones? And then there is backlash, because being the successful race means that you have to have some reason for that success. So it warps the stereotype further. of COURSE Asians are going to be successful doctors. They have no choice - their parents gave them a horrible childhood of locking them in dungeons and burning all their stuffed animals. (Sorry.. still loved that one from earlier in your blog :) ).
ReplyDeleteAnother sort of issue I have with this, in general, is that race is a social construct. As you pointed out, there are SO MANY people that don't fit into these categories in neat and clean ways. The idea of being "Asian" or "Black" or "Caucasian" are not mutually exclusive ideas. So why do we, as a society, have to fit everyone into a category?
I don't know if that made any sense. But in short, I agree with you!
'When I was little, my mom told me never to complain about anti-Asian discrimination. “It’s the easiest stereotype to overcome,” she pointed out. “If you don’t like the model minority stereotype, all you have to do is get a nose ring.”'
ReplyDeleteOmg, another little story about your mom!! Please do give us more family stories, especially some juicy bits from your mom and Lulu's all-out nuclear war period. Love war stories!
Also, you can tell that Lulu has overcome her Asian stereotypes because she likes to wear some super short skirts. All the guys at her school must want a peace of her and all the girls must be jealous of the fact that not only does she get straight A's but also the attention of both the nerds and the jocks. Little do they know though that Lulu will only date accomplished lawyers from Yale, no less than ten years her age. lol
What a beautifully written article. Stereotypes exist for a reason--there's usually some truth in them, but when you judge someone based solely off a stereotype, you're making a huge mistake and insulting said person by not getting to know anything about them.
ReplyDeleteGood post. Yesterday, a white lady was complaining about all the Asians who have moved into town, saying they are rude to the car wash people and they don't give tips--a white lady defending the Mexican car-wash people... this was new to me. It's not surprising, though, since Asian Americans -- having the model minority background -- do pose a sort of "threat." White people (me included) almost deserve to live in the US less than Asian people... at least that is the permeating feeling sometimes given the struggles many endured to get here and the very common rags-to-riches stories their families have. It's a new take on white guilt. Thus, we find any reason possible to feel better. "Asian kids may have it all together, but they can't think for themselves like us! They aren't happy! They don't study the arts!" etc.
ReplyDeleteThat's my 2 cents :D Keep up the great blogging!
Hi Sophia!
ReplyDeleteI am a Chinese American as well, but with regarding to the stereotype that all Asians are predetermined to become doctors, I feel that to some extent Asians themselves are the ones who are perpetuating that stereotype. For example, in your mom's book, there's this section where she talks about how she went to law school because she didn't want to go to med school, implying that there are exactly two options for Asians, and she talks about how her sister Michelle followed the law school path as well. and then suddenly, she writes something to the effect of her father was even MORE proud of her sister Katrin for pursuing an MD/PhD. Not only does she imply that there are two predetermined career paths for Asians, she even goes on to imply that of the two career paths, being a doctor is more honorable and something to be more proud of, which is the height of ridiculous! I don't think it's the field that you go into, but how passionate you are about that field and what you do in that field that matters. I definitely agree with you that sociey has caused careers like econ, accounting, etc. to turn into stereotypic Asian careers as well simply because of the Asian belief in strict discipline and hard work (which I firmly support) and so, of course they are going to top engineering, finance, and every other field too! So I completely agree with you that society has made the Asian stereotype all-encompassing and impossible to overcome. But with regard to the stereotype that all Asians are predetermined to become doctors or lawyers (with becoming a doctor more preferable), I actually feel like parents like your mom have perpetuated that and that is why Asians are largely unable to overcome such stereotypes. So in some ways, it is sad that Asians don't think more carefully about their career choices and simply do whatever their parents or other Asians seem to be doing. And it is apparent when your mom talks in interviews that she is actually open-minded and that she is making fun of narrow-minded traditional parenting in her book, but still, she might have passed along a lot of the stereotypical Asian biases to you without you even realizing it. Of course, I may be wrong about that.
Important to point out that right before saying that she picked law for not wanting to do medicine she stated she did many of the right things in her life for the wrong reasons. Thus picking law was the right thing, but the fact that she picked it because she thought only two options were available to her was the wrong reason.
Deletealso, i think you missed the irony of the book at that specific point ... she definitely meant to point out, that in her world by that time that seemed the only two options .. making fun of the asian stereotype as she does throughout the book!
DeleteYah, I definitely agree with someone above who said that only you know the true answer to whether or not you're studying a particular thing because you love it and are passionate about it or if you're just in and out for the quick buck, to please a parent, or to live up to a stereotype and if you're not doing what you love, people will figure that out.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that people should hate on Asians who conform to the stereotypes of medicine or law. I mean, if an Asian has made the International Biology Olympiad, won the Siemens Competition, and is this close to finding the cure for cancer, I would think to hell with stereotypes, this person was born to do biomedical research and/or medicine! I always got A's in science classes and enjoyed problem sets, but for some reason, I always enjoyed reading, writing papers and having insightful discussions on the "bigger picture" more than pipetting or looking at cell cultures or thinking about stitching people up, so I went to law school. I think you implied in one of your previous entries (I don't remember what exactly you said off the top of your head) but something about shying away from law school because people shouldn't live in the shadow of their parents? I don't think that's true at all. Don't listen to people who may say initially that you're just following in your mom's footstep- if you find a passion for law and government, you should dive into it with no hesitation and people will come to realize that you actually do love it and are good at it. Also, there are so many different types of law and so many changes to be made!
One issue that I have with Asian parents (including my own) are that they actually don't believe in their kids ENOUGH. (i.e. I don't believe you would make it as an English major, no, I KNOW you wouldn't make it as an English major! You would be homeless!) I think it COMPLETELY depends on the kid, it's true... Some kids don't want to face reality and think that they are exceptional at things that they really aren't (take me at basketball.. lol, I love it, but I know I just don't have that talent or height that Jeremy Lin has.) But what if someone does and he/she has won lots of awards in that field and teachers everywhere are telling the parents that he/she has great potential? I think most Asian parents (it doesn't seem like your mom is like that, despite what some critics say) would still be like, "I STILL can't believe that you'd succeed in [insert non-traditional path] here. I order that you apply to med school right now!!!" But my question is, how would anyone know unless they TRIED and reached for their dream? And I also don't like how Asian parents are like, "No, if you don't apply to med school RIGHT NOW, your life is OVER!!!" Well, what about your dad? He went to Juilliard right out of college and though he did have a very bad experience with the director, I'm sure he still gained a lot out of his Juilliard experience in other ways and it helped shape who he is today. It's apparent that he still has that artsy aspect from the novels he writes and I'm sure he met lots of great actors there as well. And when Juilliard didn't work out for him, he applied to law school and got into the best- it wasn't too late; his life wasn't destroyed by his deciding to go to Juilliard! And conversely, if that director hadn't been a douche and he found that he really loved acting, he may be at Hollywood right now, who knows, right? (I'm glad that didn't happen because i'm glad you were born! but I'm just saying) Maybe if his parents had forbid him to apply to Juilliard like most Asian parents and go to med school instead, he may have always wondered, what might Juilliard have been like? And not being able to live out your dream, whether it's for your whole life or just for a couple of years, because of your parents is terrible. But again, I used to think your mom was like that too, but now I'm convinced that she DOES really believe that her kids can do whatever they set their mind to no matter what is, it's inspiring! I really wish that I were a hybrid as well- it must be really nice to have parents who are open-minded but still amazing and hard-working at what they do!
DeleteI'm sorry for trolling, but how are you 100% sure that your mom wouldn't be upset if you chose to be an English major (with the intent of becoming a writer or English professor)? I know that she likes to write books, but would she not insist that if you choose to do the same, you must do that alongside being a doctor or lawyer or businessperson? Sorry about my cynicism... I just want to warn you in advance that it can be shocking how parents can appear open-minded and say that they'd be okay with something, but the minute you actually make a decision that seems to break the "Asian rules" (it's the Asian parents themselves who perpetuate the stereotype, unfortunately enough), they FREAK. (I'm Chinese, I've been through it all, trust me).
Delete:'( I was hoping for a happy post on what you're up to, but instead you sound pretty pissed off in your entry. For good reason, though! I'm glad you addressed this issue, I was actually wondering when you would! I hope this won't be your only post this month. I would still love to hear about other aspects of Harvard, if you don't want to talk about your classes! I've gathered from your tweets that plenty of exciting things have happened this semester... Why were you at a hotel? How was Gaga's visit? Any other fun things you would care to share? Why is this semester busier than the last?
ReplyDeleteOne of your best blog posts.
ReplyDelete:) Thanks Sophia.
Being fully Asian, I dunno. We have extreme expectations, ... like how your mom was raised.
But like, we (or maybe its just me) dont have futures planned out with us.
My mom wants me to become a doctor (classic choice -.-), but I'm going to study music as my major.
The stereotype is hard to avoid where i live, because there's so many asians and we have competitive people. sometimes there's jokes about me going to harvard, but racist slurs come to me too. we just brush it off.
it's sort of normal here.
Your wit, intelligence and brilliant writing skills makes the blogosphere a better place :)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Sophia, for finally posing again, and for addressing this issue. Asian stereotypes are practically everywhere, and it could get, well, not very pleasant. I am Chinese American so I know exactly how it feels. Luckily, I have some very supportive friends and family members who help me a lot about this type of stuff. I think it's really important to know that it's what others think about you, not who you actually are. You must be a very courageous person to be able to address this issue. Again, I really want to thank you for posting again.
ReplyDeletePS - I sent you a letter, but you guys were having spring break at Harvard at that time, so I'm afraid it's lost, but let me know if you got it. Thanks.
Sophia, I second/third/fourth a bunch of people above- I'd support you and think you're a remarkable young lady no matter what classes you take or what you choose to major in!!! And I think it's pretty sweet that your parents think the same way :)
ReplyDeleteSaw your picture with Stephen Colbert on your mom's website, you are so lucky! What's he like? Did you get to talk to him a little bit? Was he in-character the whole time?
ReplyDeleteYour mom said he "grilled" her, but I find it was easy to see that he actually agreed with her message. He didn't even ask her a single accusatory, something like "Do you derive some kind of sick pleasure from making your children's lives miserable?". Probably because he is Catholic and firmly believes that all children are sinners and deserve to be flagellated three times a day.
Also, you know how your grandmother's friend Kristina from Hungary tried to cheer up Lulu by saying how taLENTed she was? Am I the only one who didn't get the reference? TaLENTed? Lent isn't even celebrated by Jews, what the hell. lol Anyone care to enlighten me?
Stereotypes are mostly perpetuated by the particular race/cultural group themselves, and like you said, offer valuable demographic insights.It's when other people with fear, anxiety or just lack of understanding of said race/culture interpret them in misguided and malicious ways that it gets offensive. People with a limited understanding of a particular culture often don't realize they're making offensive assumptions, they just assume that it's an inoffensive stereotype, because they've heard other people say similar things.
ReplyDeleteIS YOUR LAST LINE A REFERENCE TO THE SONG CALL ME MAYBE BY CARLY RAE JEPSEN?? :D haha... but it is?!
ReplyDeleteHey Sophia, I'm a college student in an Asian-American History class and as part of our lecture, we had 3 slides on you and your mom! Thought you might find that interesting/flattering!
ReplyDeleteHey Sophia!
ReplyDeleteI'm a freshman, and I feel like I havn't achieved anything. I don't know what I should put on my college apps. I have been to math competitions, flute competitions, and I didn't even get close to winning. I feel depressed. The highest achievement I've made was getting 1st chair flute in my band class. Other than that I don't know what to tell colleges about my freshman year.
What did you achieve freshman year? What did you tell Harvard about your first year of high school?
I'm totally not Sophia, but seems like you could use a bit of help. My best advice, as someone else who participated in stuff but never won? Most schools don't care so much about what activities you did as about what you learned from your participation in those activities. Of course, having a whole pile of honors and awards looks great on paper. However, it's just as important to have passion for what you're doing. Schools want students who are intellectually curious, who explore, who do things because they are fascinated by them. They want students who can learn from their past experiences, and use those experiences to create their own futures. They don't just want students with skills, they want students with the motivation to further those skills as much as they possibly can.
DeleteSo, my advice would be to not worry so much about what you did, but what it means to you. Keep pursuing things that you are good at and that interest you, but don't just think about how it improves your application. Think about how it's going to improve your life. When you actually write your applications, make sure they show how much effort you put into doing things that are important to you. That's going to tell the admissions office a lot about what kind of student you'll be.
The essay, especially, is going to help you out a lot. I got into Cornell with an essay about mucking around with my grandfather's travel souvenir collection as a kid, so I know that you don't have to write about winning every contest to get accepted. Just keep working hard and learning as much as you can! You've only got a few more years, so make the most out of them!
Yes. It's true. Being more visually-identifi-ably Asian makes life more annoying because we suffer stereotypes more frontally than others who may be Asian-American but do not "look" like it. I can't tell you how many times people assumed I am from China or some other Asian country and assume that Chinese or some other Asian language is my first language. And it's not just from people who are white/Caucasian. I get this from Asian people too.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to call myself American. Chinese-American to be specific but then again, why? Not because I eat with chopsticks or a for and knife, and not because I speak a certain language, but because I was born and raised here. I AM an American citizen; my parents are from China. This makes me Chinese-American.
But people who make assumptions will NEVER come up to me and say: Hey, you're DEFINITELY an American. They'll always assume I'm NOT American. Those SOBs who think they know you just by looking at you are going to be SOBs for the rest of their lives. It's inevitable and I've taken to accept that.
Story: One time, a bus driver asked me where I was from. I said Cincinnati. He said: "China?" I said, "No, I'm from Ohio." He blinked. Pause. "Oh, really? Cincinnati, huh?"
I mean really? Yes, he was a white old grandpa, probably conservative and has lived in the rural Midwest all his life. So no, he probably doesn't believe that I am American and that I'm from Ohio. But I am. And what is he going to do about it? Nothing.
We have a lot of people who are half Chinese and half white in my school. I know about five, but there are a lot more. The demographics of this country is shifting.
ReplyDeleteI asked once on an early blog what you were "concentrating"/Harvard elitespeak? for majoring in just because I was curious, and when I looked it up I was amazed at how many areas of concentration Harvard offers. And it's always interesting to ask someone who has read as widely as you have, what they choose to major in. You could go to school for a long time, but most people are only undergrads once and it goes by fast. At no time would I impose a stereotype on you or hopefully anyone else. Your mom spent every year of her life growning up in California, your dad grew up in US --and you spent every year of your life growing up in New Haven, so there was plenty of latitude for 2 generations to choose their paths.
ReplyDeleteYou read NYT fairly often, and I think you would really enjoy NYMag if you're not checking it out already. From what I've read on your blog, and your tweets I think it's a magazine you'd like a lot.
http://nymag.com/
Most of it is free on the web. For example:
Paper Tigers
What happens to all the Asian-American overachievers when the test-taking ends?
http://nymag.com/news/features/asian-americans-2011-5/
Not a stereotype, Just an article I thought you'd find somewhat interesting. And there's that image of Tiger burning ectopically, ubiquitously, metastatically bright isn't it?
Frank Rich who was the NYTimes theater critic for 10 years, then moved to op ed doing political commentary for a few years, and moved to NY Mag a few months ago, and he's one of the best essayists in the US media today IMHO.
Your dogs are great looking. I have two equally great with really big ears.
Do you think you'll ever let us know what you're majoring in (at least in the near future)? I want to know not because I want to stereotype you or judge you off of it, but because I'm really curious--as a fellow college freshman, I've been asked so many times what I'm majoring in, and I always wonder what everyone else is majoring in, too. I think it also tells you something about a person, knowing what they're interested in--not in a judgmental way, but just to understand them as a person.
ReplyDeleteWhy aren't you stereotyped as Jewish? That's half of you isn't it? Funny how people choose to see only what they wanna see.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's because some of the Jewish stereotypes in America overlap with the Asian stereotypes (being studious, etc.) Or it's because her mom's book has been so popular, and so generally people are able to see that side of her upbringing more clearly.
Delete^^^ when you are mixed, you always get stereotyped to the side with the darker complexion
ReplyDeleteThat is so true! I'm half white and half Asian, and people almost always see the Asian side first--and use those stereotypes first.
DeleteTintin is from belgium! :D :D Even in your serious posts, you're hilarious!
ReplyDeleteVisually-identifiable Asian here!
ReplyDeleteI personally am absolutely fine with the stereotype of Asians, probably because I am living (and loving) it.
I have all A's right now, and have had all A's since the start of junior high (with the exception of a B+, third quarter, eighth grade SS I think. Or maybe it was seventh.) I play the piano. I am fairly good at math, though not so good when compared to my fellow Asian classmates. (I should be studying for the AIME right now but commenting on this blog is more interesting.) I generally respect my parents. We eat rice almost every day. I am short. I (used to) play tennis.
However, I don't fit some of the more negative stereotypes of Asians (I think, at least.) I have never eaten dog. I don't actually particularly like hot sauce, though my dad loves it. I don't have squinty eyes, nor do I have buck teeth. I do not have an Asian accent and my Mandarin is terrible.
Of course, my experience is limited, but at the public school I go to, we've made a fairly tight-knit community of all the kids who used to be in the gifted program and thus had all the same classes. Even though now we're in ninth grade and the gifted program has ended for us, we still associate with each other, we still sit down in the cafeteria together (with a fork and potato salad and a slice of pizza), we still discuss video games together, we make jokes about our teachers and Asian parents together.
In our happy nerd circle (which includes various half-Asians, whites, Asian Indians, one Hispanic and one full Jew), we often make jokes about Asian stereotypes; when someone at lunch is busily finishing an assignment due next period, we often put on an exaggerated accent and start berating them for not bringing honor to their families, no rice for you tonight, no doctor would ever do something like this, etc. And everyone is fine with this. We're perfectly comfortable.
I have yet to personally encounter a full-blooded east Asian like me who does not have some aspect of the broad Asian stereotype, save perhaps one Cambodian who I don't know very well but doesn't seem to be at all studious. So stereotypes of Asians that my peers hold seem to be from experience as well as from the generally accepted stereotypes in America.
I agree that it's hard to categorize hybrids. In my experience at least, half-Asians are more varied in their personalities, interests, and general characteristics than Asians. One (half-Japanese, half white) is very loud, can be irritable, loves video games, is somewhat studious but not very, is not religious and is very liberal. Another (half-Japanese, half white) loves anime, is religious and is very conservative. Another (half Filipino, half white) loves video games, and is generally studious and quiet. Yet another (half Chinese, half white) is tall, is an excellent swimmer, loves anime, and is always good natured and fun to be around. And still another (half Chinese, half white) loves the robotics club, is quite flirtatious and flirts with various girls (white, Asian, and half-Asian) at one time. And finally, one with a very unique background (half Asian Indian, half Chinese-Filipino) is generally studious and quiet, is friends with other Indian girls, and sometimes jokes about how her Filipino family complains that she is too dark and her family in Goa, India complains that she is too light and looks like she is Portuguese. Meanwhile, every single full east Asian I've met (still excepting the Cambodian) is a grade-obsessor, plays or played either tennis or some musical instrument, and typically has some other Asian identifying factor.
Everyone, I am taking bets on what Sophia is going to pick for major. I will accept amounts in multiples of 5, 50, 500, and 5,000 tiger bucks. I will also accepts bets for Lulu, but the minimal amount is now 5,000. There is a lot more unknown about her, so her odds are a lot more unpredictable.
ReplyDeleteAs the banker, I am entitled to a 5% commission on all winning bets. I personally predict that Sophia will pick economics with a minor in international affairs.
As for Lulu, I say foreign languages..
You are not really been stereotyped as Asians, are you? You don't know what you are talking about. Since you don't look Asian, you don't really know what people easy identified as Asian are being treated on a daily bases. That why your mom's book and your comments on this topic is not fair to those of us that look Asian. Get it?
ReplyDeleteThis is so insensitive.. and another stereotype. So Sophia doesn't look full-Asian, and therefore can't have feelings about what it's like to be caught in the middle? - Rory
DeleteOh please, You know it's true that Sophia does not endure what real Asian American youths endure on their daily life. If people didn't know her mom is Asian, they will not treat her like Asian. She fits in just fine, right? Maybe that's why Amy were so eager to publish such a book so the whole world will now know her beautiful white looking daughter is half Chinese and a "Chinese daughter" such as herself.
DeleteAsian American struggle to fit in everyday. I bet if Sophia does "has buck teeth and slits for eyes", her mom would not be so proud and eager to show her off.
Even Jeremy Lin are teased all his life as being a Chink playing sport. If Sophia is a basketball player in college, would she be teased that "Orchestra is at the other side of the campus"?
Oh I get it, so if an Asian fits in with non-Asians, then she is not a REAL Asian. Because REAL Asians don't fit in, ever. REAL Asians blame their misfortunes on others and withdraw into themselves and never try to reach out and show everyone that they are just normal people, trying to live a fun and fulfilling life like everyone else.
DeleteThis is just plain-old Asian-on-Asian racism. There are Asians who degrade their fellow half-Asian Americans because they view them as more beautiful, successful, respected, what have you. It's all just same-old inferiority complex.
Let me tell you this, if you were a REAL Asian, you'd not have any inferiority complex issues. You'd be a successful, respected, and strong-willed American, unshaken by any bigoted remarks that anyone makes and more importantly, you yourself would never make any bigoted remarks such as the above. You wouldn't need to say things like "oh she no real Asian, she not know what she talk about, she no struggling like us, we need everyone's handout because we so vulnerable, she don't need nothing, she have everything, we don't"
I am a half-Asian as well and Asian-on-Asian racism is nothing new to me. It bothered me at first when I didn't understand what were its causes, but now I know that it's just jealousy and inferiority complex. Here's my advice to you: don't ever feel ashamed of your appearance -- of your tanned Asian round face, of your slits for eyes, of your ridiculous grandma-commissioned haircut, of your black hair, what else is there that some Asians don't like about themselves? You should be ashamed of being ashamed of being Asian.
For all your smarts, you obviously don´t get it. So here it is: Regardless of what percentage of Asian you are, if you don´t look that Asian people will include you more readily than if you look too Asian in which case they will treat you different. Yes they may include you, but you´re going to get your share of ignorant crap simply because of the way you look. You don´t understand this because you haven´t experienced it due to 1. you´re ability to blend in 2. you´re ability to constantly kiss white a$$. When you´re treated like shi&% by a bigoted populace, it´s not about what you do, it´s about what is done to you.
DeleteP.s... speaking of Asian to Asian racism, how about Asian women who don´t marry Asian men? It´s really hard to denounce something that represent the very stereo type of....
DeleteBe honest to yourself, do you really consider Asian men as mate choices? Jeremy Lin doesn't count, he is super famous and popular even kim kardashian wants to marry him. I bet you will not be marring an Asian men. If you do, your mom may not be so happy or she herself would not have opted to marry your Dad who is not Asian?????
ReplyDelete" No matter what choices an Asian makes, people will insist that those choices were made for him, not by him." It's sad but it's also true. Asian parents themselves think this way. If you think your Mom dose not, she is doing exactly that by writing her tiger mother book. Her tiger mothering is the reason why you and your sister are so "successful". Even you are good at piano and wanted to play the piano by yourself, she gets all the credit. In her book, I never learned that you choose to play and follow alone with your mother. All I got is she made you do this and that or she does this and that for you so you played in the carnegie hall. So let's face it, you may not want to accept your mother is selfish. But she is and so is many Asian parents and thanks for your mother's book, there will be more to come.
Unless you are the same kind of person as your mother, you should recognize how ill-intended it is of your mom writing and publishing such a book. No matter how strict she is, your dad, who is not Asian, counteracted it out. But many kids in pure Asian environment are not that lucky to have a parent to balance it. So why you let your mom claim so much credit on your achievement? By speaking out for her, you are helping her spreading a very dangerous message.
"Be honest to yourself, do you really consider Asian men as mate choices?"
DeleteWhat does that have to do with anything? She can choose to be with whoever she likes. Resentful Asian males need to grow up and stop crying that Asian girls marry non-Asians. Oh the horror! If they don't want to be with you, it's not their fault, it's because you are such a petty little person inside. Go ahead, call them a slut for being with a non-Asian, you know you want to. I am so glad that the word "slut" exists, because those people who use it in a pejorative way instantly reveal who they are as a person -- a bigot. If you don't like promiscuous women, then what's it to you? Women can do whatever the hell they want and they don't need to be concerned about what anyone thinks about their mating preferences. This is coming from an Asian guy by the way, in case anyone starts thinking that the person writing this is definitely some bitch that should know her place in society.
"By speaking out for her, you are helping her spreading a very dangerous message."
Yes, making your kids work hard is a dangerous message. Amy Chua loves her daughters and would never do any harm to them, unlike the cruel parents that you picture. Cruel parenting has nothing to do with strict parenting. Cruel people are indeed selfish. Strict people are the ones who make the most sacrifices. It would be so easy to just throw out your kid on the street and tell them to never come back. But no, Amy Chua worked her ass off for her kids and her husband was with her. They call it the "United Front" parenting strategy.
You say Amy Chua's husband counter-acted her. Try her own strict and more-successful-than-you Chinese immigrant parents. They were the ones who told her to stop being so hardline with Lulu. Also, try reading Amy Chua's book's front cover -- she says she was humbled by a thirteen-year-old. A cruel parent is never humbled by anything or anyone.
Hi Sophia, if you have to rant after only one year of being branded with the so-called Asian stereotype, Of course you don't know what that stereotype really is. Next time before you show your claws, think about Asian American who have to deal with the stereotype all their life.
ReplyDeleteAnd I wonder why you have been branded for one year. Oh, your mom told the whole world you are a "Chinese daughter" of a Tiger mother.
I am sorry Sophia, you know it's me again. I have so much to say. you know after I learned that your mom married a white man and her daughters didn't look Asian I can't help but feel cheated by her using "Chinese" to define the way of her parenting. People parent millions of ways for gazillion reasons. Who knows your mom didn't treat you and your sisters that way just because she is a control freak. If you think Asian stereotype doesn't apply to you, it may indeed be true. Only because your mother wrongfully used the whole ethnicity to define her way of parenting, maybe? So you have your mom to thank for this one.
ReplyDeleteYou are a very good girl for not wanting to believe your mother may have ill-intentions. But you are also naive to not look at people that way. All the best to you. Your mom is very lucky to have you as a daughter which I personally don't think she deserves it.
You don't have to publish this if it will hurt your mothers feelings.
lol, you think you can hurt her or her mom's feelings? You think too much of your ability to hurt others. You are the one who's naive and thinks he/she knows more about her mom's intentions than she or her dad or her grandparents or her sister or her dogs.
DeleteTo not be ashamed of being Asian, you have to look Asian to begin with. How many hybrid looks white will voluntarily told people they are Asian? In fact, there is an article out not long ago, many hybrids hide their Asian background on their college applications to insure they are not stereotyped into real Asians to have higher chances of being accepted. How many Asians are shamed of being Asian so they only date white and marry white?
ReplyDeleteSpeaking about generation decline, Asian are lost in American because so many Asian cross culture marriages the Asian heritage is no trace to be found after several generations. So all the hard work tigers put in will not be collected by Asian in the future. I think Amy had mentioned this in her book. If Asians like Amy Chua are so proud of being Asians, the best thing they can do is to have their offspring look Asian before they decide if they want to tiger parent them or not.
Sophia said she ticked the Asian box on her college applications exactly because she wanted an extra challenge. Those who want to "hide" their "Asianness" because they are ashamed of it are idiots. Those who simply don't want the extra challenge, then it's okay because everyone should be held against the same standard. I can't stand that kind of affirmative action that either penalizes or gives free points to certain groups. I am fine with the affirmative action that simply tries to provide extra resources to disadvantaged groups so that they could bring themselves "up to speed" and compete on the same level with everyone else, but simply lowering/upping standards based on race/gender just leads to resentment and incompetence. It maddens me.
DeleteTake women, for example. I am all for having more women in every single profession, but not through a quota system that mandates that 50% of all posts must be filled by women. What if there simply aren't enough competent women for that profession at the moment? So you end up accepting less-than-competent applicants who are then resented for not being competent and the women themselves now have to ask were they accepted because they were the best candidates or because of affirmative action? As described in her book, Amy Chua always told Sophia that if ever she were being unfairly treated, she should work twice as hard to prove herself. I loved that. That's why Amy Chua is so inspirational, she's an extremely strong person who has never needed nor wanted handouts. All she's achieved was through hard work.
Why are you even criticizing her mother's decision to marry a non-Asian? That decision most likely has nothing to do with hiding "Asian-ness" or being ashamed of oneself and all to do with who she loves and wants to spend her life with.
DeleteNo kidding, all the Asian-American men who criticize Asian-American women's choices need to go back to school and educate themselves on what person-hood in a democratic society entails. They are just an embarrassment to the entire Asian race, if we must necessarily sort ourselves in groups, which we must not -- each person can do whatever the f they like as long as they don't harm others.
Delete...I don't think it's because of believing in Asian stereotypes in general that some people would be surprised about you taking artsy classes. Perhaps it might have a tiny bit to do with your mother's book?
ReplyDeleteSo you don't want any mention of your Filipino descent? Or this Filipino topic is just too shameful to even touch? I am not saying your ancestor must include Filipinos, but it's a possibility, isn't it? Why avoid this topic?
ReplyDeleteI was very impressed that you post many of my comments. I guess there are still some topics just off limit.
How the hell is she Filipino.
DeleteIt says in her mother's book that her grandparents and great-grandparents have *lived* in the Philippines but were *born* in Fujian, China.
DeleteHey, that's similar to my mother's family. She was born and raised in Cambodia, but her grandparents on her father's side were originally from Fujian, China. People are always bewildered when I say my mother was born in Cambodia, and naturally they assume my mother is Cambodian (which she is not).
DeleteHer mother´s parents were born in the Philippines and come from an upper class family of Chines Filipinos. The same that have been targeted with violence and expulsion because they control most of that countries wealth and treat the native population terribly. The aunt of her mother was murdered by servants which she was reported to treat badly. Her mother may also be a Filippino- Chinese mix as she has some physical traces of Filipino.
DeleteI'm just generally confused with the term Chinese-Filipino. Because depending on the context, it can be used in two ways; to describe a Chinese person born and raised in the Philippines who is chinese in blood but also identifies as a filipino as a nationality. The other way is to describe a person of actual chinese-filipino blood. What you say makes sense, but I have never heard of Sophia talk about being partially Filipino, and until she either confirms or denies it, I don't think we can be sure she is.
Deleteher grandparents aren't filipino. they just lived there at one time. therefore, sophia isn't filipino
DeleteI love your blog! Please write a book with your musings. Fellow Cub-readers, help me convince Sophia to give us a book! Please :)
ReplyDeleteI also have a question, you've met prejudice because of being asian? Did that happen before your mothers book? What about prejudice because of having a dad that's jewish? Oh, and if your dad wrote a book about bringing up his daughters the jewish-dad way, what would it be about?
I live in Sweden, and we don't have that many stereotypes about Jewish or Asian people because we don't really have any Jewish or Asians here...One would think that would make for the opposite, to have LOTS of stereotype, but to me it feels like the other way round. All I know about how Asians or Jews are "supposed to be" I've got from American tv or literature.
Hi Sophia! What is your favorite season? Also, can you do a vlog? I'd love to see your pretty face and hear your pretty voice! :) xoxo
ReplyDeleteI would say that I could be easily classified (visually) as Asian. And I do get your point. Everybody thinks I'm a so-called 'nerd', but let's face it, it's how we were raised. I didn't know what facebook was until 6th grade. Never had a playdate. ALWAYS branded as the 'smart Asian kid who freaks out if she gets an a minus'. I don't know what I think, but I think that stereotypes about Asians being extremely smart are getting to be too much.
ReplyDeletei think people usually classify people as what they look like. people would deem you asian because you look asian. i'm a quarter asian, and all of my siblings look white except for my little sister. she looks asian. my siblings and i are thought of as white people, but my little sister is thought of as asian, even though all of us are one fourth asian.
ReplyDelete